The Last Pet Shop
On the last day of the year
A notice suddenly appeared
The government declared
All pet shops must close
And so, everybody knows
There will be no exception
Or any misconception
From now on this is the law
So, there will be no more
Pet shops.
When the last door shuts
That’s it, no ifs, no buts.
Near where I lived in our road
Was a pet shop. It was so old
It seemed to have been there forever,
And when I was young I never ever
Thought I would see the day,
Not even when I was old and grey
Eating fish and chips all day,
When our shop gave its pets away.
The owner was called Miss Cabana
But we used to call her Miss Banana
Her yellow hair looked like straw
A yellow dress was all she wore.
Her teeth were crooked, her nose was bent
As if her life was mostly spent
Walking, without looking into doors
And then complaining her face was sore.
She used to tell us crazy stories
About one-eyed goldfish and angry budgies
Oh, and parrots who loved to talk
Pretending that they couldn’t squawk.
Tales of snakes, mice and rabbits
Dirty dogs with disgusting habits
Scratching their fur for bugs and mites
Which was a most unpleasant sight.
Most days my friends and I went in
We’d sit by cages and she’d begin
Tales of going from house to house
To rescue spiders, ants, and once a mouse
Which was too afraid to come out for cheese
In case a cat demanded, the mouse said please.
And times, when on her hands and knees.
She’d clean pets with pesky fleas.
But all this stopped some days ago
When our shop was the last to go.
Men in dark coats, sly and slow
Banging doors and shouts all day
‘Do you sell pets? Are any on display?
Best to come out, we want no trouble.
If you don’t, fines will be doubled.’
As they stood, stared, glared and grumbled.
Day after day, pet shops were raided
Signs taken down, as shop names faded
Today, a man with a notice in his hand
Said, ‘from now on this shop is banned
No bird can stay, no fish, no fowl
Nor reptiles or animals that bark or howl.’
Miss Cabana cried ‘this is my heart and soul
I have nothing left. I’ll be on the dole.’
‘Don’t worry missus, they’re going to zoos.
You must have heard, it’s been on the news.
This is the rule which you must obey
No appeals allowed, it’s the very last day
Now pack up your bottles, cages and trays.
Can’t hang around, we can’t have delays.
We’ve got lorries and men waiting in vans
To take out animals if you need a hand.’
Henry the parrot was the last in the shop.
All the rest had gone along with the stock.
Henry had a reputation for being quite rude.
‘Not my fault. Just look at my food
It never covers all my needs
All day my tray is scattered with seeds
Tasteless husks and nuts needing slicing
With rotten sprouts that are not enticing.’
Henry was known to our friends and neighbours
For being blunt and doing no favours
To anyone in the shop he didn’t like.
So, when one of the men got off his bike
And walked straight inside the shop
Henry shouted and began to hop
‘Sling your hook. You ‘orrible rat.
You smell like vomit and I don’t like that.’
The man glared and sneered at the parrot
‘Watch out or I’ll bash you with a carrot.’
He checked the shop with a sneaky peek
But the mistake he made when he began to speak
Was standing too close to Henry’s sharp beak.
Peck, and stab, Henry went for his face
Until the man had to step back a pace.’
‘I’m coming back. You’re leaving this place.’
Angry Henry nearly came to blows.
‘I’ll peck your chin, and your big nose
After that I’ll peck your knees and toes
Shut the door on your way out
You stink as bad as a dead pig’s snout.’
Miss Cabana sat down, tired and drawn
‘I’ve been worried sick from dusk to dawn
I never thought I’d end up on my own.’
Our pet shop has now closed down
There are no more in our small town.
Now there’s news about the zoo
I’ve heard they’re closing that one too.
Looking back, I’m feeling sad
Thinking about the friends I had
Lost and gone far overseas,
Where their pets enjoy a summer’s breeze.
I’m thinking of buying a sausage dog
I’ll walk him only when there’s a fog
So, no one hears me whistle and sing
About the joy and love a pet can bring.